Reflections From The Past Week
Wow how are you supposed to predict how you are going to feel after not only having the best day of your life but also after creating and completing the biggest thing you have ever worked on to date? This ride began over a year ago and it gave me such purpose and drive to focus on for the entire year. This week has been a wave of emotions and for the most part I have just tried to keep my head above water.
On Monday I was so excited to go climbing as all year it had been my escape from the campaign and I have always found it helpful with my mental health. I went into the gym feeling very anxious as it was the day after my ride and the flood of emotions had hit. Sometimes I had gone into the gym feeling overwhelmed, anxious or being in a low mood but within minutes of climbing things would turn around. On Monday, however, it did not work the same way. My anxiety was increasing as I climbed up the walls. I really wanted to yell to my partner to tighten the rope even though I was on an easy climb that I have done lots of times before. But I knew people would realize what was going on if I yelled down to her. Everyone knows that I can climb way harder routes. As I kept going through the motions of climbing, I thought well at least I am now anxious about climbing and not thinking about the ride or what is next. It became a pleasant break from all my other thoughts though I was not able to climb for long.
Throughout this week I have tried a variety of ways to deal with everything I was feeling. For the most part I only felt calm and at peace while on the bike. It has been very challenging – finding myself in tears, in moments of panic or fear – it was a way of processing everything that has happened this year. It was also a great opportunity to practice self-care and understanding as much as we want to be there for everyone we tend not to put ourselves first. I wanted to call and message every single person who has helped and supported me through this journey. I have wanted to reply to all the wonderful messages and emails I had received since Sunday but each time I sat down to do this I would become overwhelmed. I was able to manage catching up on the blog and writing a few emails. What I was able to accomplish, however, was allowing myself to have time and know it is okay to have ups and downs this week and to realize that in fact, it is expected to happen.
Today on my bike ride we decided to take a detour and hike to one of the waterfalls in Dundas. As I sat there on a rock watching the power of the water and being surrounded by the lush trees that I love so much, I felt a calmness and excitement. The idea of transitioning into my next journey no longer felt so daunting. I thought about the power of the people at the closing ceremony and how much energy was built with people wanting to make a difference. I may not have the exact path of what I will do next but I have found my calling and I intend on embracing it fully.