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day 51

Day 51: Rest Day in Little Current

Today was a very emotional day for a few reasons.  Late last night I saw an article about a touring cyclist from Toronto who passed away in an accident.  Graeme Loader and I started our journey on the same day.  I never had the chance to meet him along the way, however, I felt very connected to his journey.  Where the accident took place was the same area I had passed by just a couple of weeks ago.  I thought about all the touring cyclists I have met this summer and thought how it could have been any one of us.  I started asking myself why him? Why I am fortunate that nothing happened to me?

 

All morning I have been in tears thinking about him.  I wondered why I was reacting this way when we have never met.  But it just felt so close.  I always try to find a positive in tragic situations and find strength and inspiration from them.  For this it took me awhile to get to that place and spoke with a few people to process what I was going through.  As a start, I will dedicate my ride to Graeme tomorrow.  I thought about doing the ride today for him but there were two reasons why I decided to keep with my schedule.  One was that I was very anxious thinking about getting back on my bike and thought that I would maybe not be as safe riding today, as I would be very distracted.  As well, the weather tomorrow is not supposed to be very good, so my mom had suggested I might want to do my ride today instead.  I thought, I have the opportunity to chose when I ride again he does not.  Why should I chose today just for the convenience of nice weather.  This made me decide that I should ride tomorrow even if the weather is not great.

 

I was also having an emotional day because I was adjusting to being back to cycling on my own.  Through my previous solo travels, I have met lots of people whom I end up touring around with for a week or so before going our separate ways.  I always find the adjustment back to solo travelling challenging.  I am fortunate that I do have my mom with me; however, while on the bike I am alone.  I had become so used to having Will with me.  He helped me a lot with staying motivated in the almost nonstop headwind we have had.  We also became great friends and it is always hard to say goodbye to a friend you meet while traveling because you don’t know when you will have an opportunity to see them again.

 

Lastly as I am getting closer to home I am experiencing a multitude of emotions regarding the end of the ride.   I am thrilled and excited to see everyone and have them cycle in with me.  But I am also wanting to cherish this ride and for it not to end.  I think part of it is the fear of what will happen next.  How will my future look?  Will I be able to get a job that fulfills my needs for advocacy, helping, and travelling?  All the regular fears that naturally arise with transition, a transition on top of ending the most epic journey of my life are staring me in the face, challenging me.